Must Read but soo funny

10 Ways Cloth Diapers are Like Pistols

Guest post by Bon Crowder who blogs at Idearella.

image by Bon Crowder

While assembling diapers the other morning I noticed I was stacking them next to my Smith & Wesson 9mm handgun. Strangely intrigued by this, it occurred to me how similar cloth diapers are to firearms.

It provides protection.

1. Cloth diapers are amazingly absorbent. They are different from the cotton diapers many of us wore on our bums. The hemp and microfiber absorb and hold. The outer layer against the skin provides wicking so the cutie doesn’t feel so much moisture.
2. A pistol not only provides protection, but also confidence. When you walk to the parking lot with a Beretta in your mom-bag, your body language says, “Go ahead, make my day.” This is not what predators are looking for.

It is easy to use.

1. Once you learn the proper assembly of a cloth diaper, they are very easy. The new technology in cloth diapering provides for the same ease and convenience as disposables.
2. Learn how to shoot a pistol and you’ll never look back. Make sure you take a class from a firing range, though – don’t learn from a friend. The range instructors are great with instilling confidence. They teach the proper methods of shooting as well as the local laws.

It is not popular.

1. I’m the only mom in my network that uses cloth. Even my super-green friends use disposable diapers!
2. In some countries you can’t buy firearms. And even in Texas many people are anti-gun.

Every mom should carry at least one.

1. Head to the store without a diaper and you’re asking for a blowout! This applies to disposables also, but just try finding your favorite cloth diaper in your local grocery store. It is painful to have to figure out which disposable to buy when your kiddo is screaming and covered in poop.
2. Even when just running into the corner store, carry your pistol (make sure you are fully licensed first). When you least expect it, someone might go postal. So expect it!

image by simplyla

You can join an association for it.

1. In addition to a gazillion yahoo and google groups, there is also the Real Diaper Association and the National Association of Diaper Services.
2. You can join the National Rifle Association. If you are so inclined, there are many local organizations to join as well. Every state seems to have its own association, too (The Texas State Rifle Association for example). Curiously all these local and state groups are unaffiliated with the NRA.

It requires assembly.

1. Cloth diapers these days come in two or more parts, depending on the brand. There is an inside part made of hemp or micro fiber called the insert. The outside has a plastic liner, either built in or removable. In my household we call it the “out-sert.” They must be disassembled before cleaning and the reassembled before use.
2. You can buy a pistol in one piece (in fact it is recommended – they aren’t like the old PCs where you can stick them together willy-nilly). All the pieces should be regularly cleaned, so you will have to disassemble and reassemble it after every use.

It’s no good unless it is loaded.

1. When heading out, make sure you have both the out-sert and the insert. If you grab the out-sert only in a changing situation, no protection will be provided. Although all cloth diapers are cute, it isn’t for show and will end in disaster if you leave out the money part inside.
2. My rule: “If I pull the pistol, I use the pistol.” Using it for show only serves to get you in trouble. Having an unloaded weapon when you need a weapon is worse than having an unloaded diaper when you need a diaper. Although when you find yourself without a loaded diaper, you will think the opposite.

The one you choose is a personal preference.

1. We made the decision to go with gDiapers (three pieces to assemble, Velcro closures). There are many others, most of which are snap closures with only two pieces to assemble. The out-serts for these have to be washed every single time, though, so there is a trade off. The Velcro tends to curl up after a while on the g’s, but you get used to it and compensate.
2. I chose a Smith & Wesson pistol. It is a 9mm with a 17 round magazine and no safety. I picked the 9mm because I could get more rounds in the magazine. More bullets = more chances to injure the bad guy. I specifically picked the no-safety-switch route because I didn’t want to have to fiddle with figuring out if I took safety off or not. For me, the safest gun is the one that keeps me safest. When faced with a bad guy, I don’t want to give them the advantage of time while I figure out the safety. (I learned this from the Houston Police Department – they aren’t allowed safety switches on their pistols. Too many cops would get shot before they turned the safety off!)

You must be brave to use it.

image by MissMessie

1. Moms have been using disposables for so long that breaking with the popular trend is a challenge. The first few times you use them is somewhat intimidating. The first few times you wash them is more so. When you muster the courage, the pay off is great.
2. Learning to shoot can be intimidating. If you take the class from a certified instructor at a range, you’ll feel better. Your courage will grow with practice. I’ve yet to have to shoot a bad guy, but I did have four punks looking over my fence recently with a long arm (shotgun or BB gun, it was flashed so quickly I couldn’t tell). I stood at my patio door with pistol in hand ready to shoot any of them if they decided my backyard was a cool place to be. It takes bravery, but it is very empowering.

Sometimes you have to leave it behind.

1. One set of Daughter’s grandparents can’t manage with the cloth. They buy disposables for her visits. I have to let it go.
2. Some places are off limits for pistols. Know these places and leave it behind. All-carry-all-the-time is a great plan, but get caught with a pistol in an off limit place and you’re in big trouble.

A green mom can protect her family. A conservative mom can protect the environment. If it’s for you and if you can muster the courage, make the choice and stick with it. You too can be a tree-hugging, gun toting mom!

Bon Crowder is mom to 12-month-old Kate and is licensed to carry a concealed weapon. She writes for Idearella.– creative ways to look at the world differently.

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