Heartache of Successful African-Americans

When I fall in love I want it to be like a fairy tale... the perfect beginning to a tragic black woman's novel. To want something to be like a fairy tale or close is a complete dream. Life isn't perfect, actually it is far from it. Throwing curve balls, upper cuts and long division at you before you even exit the womb. As horrible as it sound, its true. You don't decide when, where,who or how you are born; you just are.

Many times in the African-American community there are certain problems that those who are deemed as successful have finding a suitable mate. A lot of times people look out side of the community due to their personal preference or because it is easier, but either way the goal is to find a mate that is an equal. 

In my personal opinion each gender has their own issue. Let's start with successful African-American women and the down side of looking for a mate. From personal experience the problem is finding a mate that can relate to you and build you up. A lot of the short comings that women face are portrayed in the media. I find that a lot of times a woman will find a person that is (this list does not cover them all)

• A "Scrub"- In the lyrics of TLC 

A scrub is a guy that thinks he's fly and is
also known as a buster
always talkin' about what he wants
and just sits on his broke ass

• "Playa" Mode- This is probably more likely for younger people (I hope they grow out of it!) This is the stage where a young man is fully qualified to be a mate BUT he knows this and uses it for his advantage. Meaning that he goes after every woman that he possibly can, just because he knows there are slim pickings.
• "DL"- Down Low, meaning that a man is acting as if he is a heterosexual male but secretly engaging or is a homosexual. Can be due to the fact that he is ashamed, does not view himself as a homosexual or any other personal reason.

Now do not get me wrong women are not the only ones with that problem. A successful African-American man has issues finding a successful mate and it is just as frustrating. The phrase that I commonly hear from my male friends is "The nice guys always finish last", sadly it seems to be true. For men the problem seems to be almost the same  in finding someone that is compatible. Since I am not a man I cannot tell a whole list of issues that they face while searching for a qualified mate.

• Gold-diggers

• A woman who would rather have a "bad boy" than a "nice guy". 

Now just because it is hard to find a compatible mate does not mean that it is not possible. There are plenty of people that have found their other half and are happily married. But everything comes with time and is taken with stride. 

In short, keep hope alive and be sure that you know the person you are with before making major decision.