Have you ever hit that moment when every single thing is getting to you?
Getting you upset? Angry? Annoyed? Sad? Flustered? Confused? Frustrated?
Just getting you into a "negative headspace"?
Currently, this has been me for the past two days... well, possibly more but I am trying to face it head-on for the past two days and it is not working.
So, I am pulling out some of my old techniques and hoping that by the time I am done I will have the root of the problem nipped.
I would be lying if I said that I never begged for anything. I have begged, pleaded, and in certain situations lost all self-respect in the manner that I refused to let go.
With each situation, each circumstance, and each "chapter" in my life that has come and gone... I can say that the growth I have experienced is beyond words. I want to explain it to you but in all honesty, I don't know-how.
When I saw this post on Instagram it spoke to my soul on so many different levels it was a little scary but the two that stood out most related to dating and friendships. The truth is that when you are dealing with a person, regardless if it is intimate or platonic, you should not have to beg for the basic parts of interactions that come with sincere relationships.
If a person loves you they will be there for you, not when it is beneficial for them but when they can be there. They will be there for you at your worst and celebrate your best with you.
They will care that you are down or the simple fact that you express to them how you feel about a situation hurting you, even if that means they are at the root of that pain. They will work to rectify their wrongs and do better, not just in the moment to get you to be at ease and go back to dismissing their lax manner but genuinely trying to be a better counterpart.
They will actually talk to you and listen to what you have to say. Conversations beyond the basic "how are you", "what's new", or "wyd". The conversations will not always be deep but they will always translate to something that is building a foundation for a long-lasting relationship that has room to grow with deposits and withdrawals.
And finally, they will be willing at some point to put you first. This looks different on so many levels to so many people... the root of being put first though is when a person knows you well enough to know what they translate to. When I put someone first it may be something as simple as stepping away from a meeting or class to talk or it could be canceling my business event to ensure that I am giving my friend the time they need during a rough patch. Whatever the case it should be clear that they person is doing it... for some people, it means accepting responsibility for what they did in a situation that was wrong and not placing the blame on someone or something else.
I am not begging, initiating, or in any way hinting at "it". The "it" is the time and energy that should be given if a person truly cares. This goes for dating and friendships, especially. I know I am busy, Lord knows it is not an excuse for anyone to use against me as to why they do not try to make time for me. Truth is when I know someone wants to be around I find a way to make time and put in the effort.
I challenge you to not beg for what you deserve but to love and respect yourself enough to know that you can walk away from people who force you to beg when the truth is they wouldn't think twice about leaving you if you treated them the way they treated you.
I think some of the men I've had the "pleasure" of dating lately are emotionally unavailable and utilize my kind-hearted disposition unintentionally to feel affection while they heal. All done subconsciously but none the less done to fill a void but in the process realize they don't actually want me for whatever reason BUT keep coming around because there is something that they can't understand that tethers them to my spirit/ energy/ aura...
So I am asking God and all the energies at be to bless me with a man that is emotionally open to developing a relationship with me from a genuine place. That has a real chance of blossoming into a relationship if that is what is in store for us. And I ask God and the all the energies at be to bless me to let go of the hope of love from a man I know is so broken he still can't love me the way I deserve. I ask that my energy doesn't ooze desperately for affection or attention but truly gives off that I am deserving of more than just basic moments of physical companionship.
I am asking for what I want... I want to be blessed with a man that shows me my dream of true love and a husband is actually a reality in a chapter of my life I haven't yet read.
I say all that to say to each of you don't be afraid to ask for what you want and actually receive it!
If you want a relationship with a person beyond the physical or just deeper than you are receiving, ask for it. The worse that can happen is they say no BUT it is not bad at all because ultimately you just saved yourself time and energy that would ultimately lead to heartache.
I am asking you all the find the strength to ask for what you want in all realms of your life. I have done it in all parts of my life but the one area that I am afraid to do so is dating. I can honestly say that in all the other areas of my life that I jumped over the hurdle of fear has blessed me with a HUGE & POSITIVE outcome. It was not instantaneous but when it came through it surely was perfect, heaven-sent even!
So, with dating, I am starting to change my mindset to be able to better attract what I want and to also have the strength to ask the questions that I need to ask. I am also registering that certain answers are a no but coated in sugar because people do not want to let go of what they want... The infamous answer of "Let's see where this goes" or "Let's go with the flow" to my favorite question " Where do you see this going?"... The mindset shift is no longer asking that question but instead asking if the person currently wants to be in a committed relationship and if that is their goal in this dating process with me. Specific questions will eliminate the simplistic safe answer that is so open and coated is sugary bullsh*t that it closes doors before the situation can open any wounds.
