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I need...

I don't think it's healing I need. 

I need peace in my home, that way my heart can finally rest. 
I want to finally be able to recover from the major heartache that I faced from someone I expected to build an empire with. I want to be able to here his name and not think that my last was supposed to be the same. I want to be able to smile when I hear songs that used to be "ours". I want to be able to say that my heart is a glow and not that I am letting my shield grow. 

Worthy Life Guru Returns

It has been quite some time since I have been on here.... last time I logged in I accidentally deleted over 20 of my favorite post!

Anyways since the last time I was on I am able to reflect on several aspects of life that I now have experienced and can say that I have survived.

So, what does that mean for you?

Be ready for the Life Guru to give some personal advice to walk you through life experiences that others may not understand fully. I am not in your shoes and you did not walk miles in mine but we may stumble down the same path together.

Message to Myself: Rio has ya back

"How often do we hesitate to pursuer our dreams because we feel deficient in talent, knowledge, or experience the perceived roots of success. But chances are that we carry untapped strengths and abilities which, when enfolded within the mist of optimism, can conspire to accomplish marvelous things."

Message to Myself: Here is the Deal

Okay so here is the deal! Pray and God will show you the way. Trust can be rebuilt in a relationship but don't be so deep in love, you let yourself be blinded. And most times distance brings out the truth in a relationship. Building or crumbling the walls. You always have to remember how great you are despite the past mistakes in life or short comings we may feel we have. We are in truth our worst enemies. Keep the faith in yourself and work towards what you want.

If she makes your heart glow then give it a chance (minus the liquor or what ever you use to allow ya heart to feel less pain) if you feel it's going the way you want.

Be ready to let go and let God at any moment because there are times your faith in him is being tested. 😧 had to get that out of me and share that revelation with someone else.

Message to Myself: Remember

Always remember you deserve the best. God puts greatness in our path but it's for us to see why. Did he put this person in our path because they would lead us to greater or for us to help them become greater? Either way their is always a reason. Don't rewrite your god given blueprint. Keep it as is.lwt god take the wheel, we may fall short of go off the path but never wonder so far you take a different journey than intended.

I lost my Johnson ring on Friday night. I woke up this morning realizing it's a sign. One I need to put some weight back on lol and two I need to focus on me fully. Not replace one love focus (my ex fiancé) with another (my family). I need to build me to my fullest potential and once I do that. Then I can be the best Johnson...well person I can be. Going to start going to church more often.

Messages to Myself: Be in love with...

It's better to be single and focus on building yourself than in a relationship that kills your spirit daily. Be in love with someone who makes you glow daily. Be in love with someone who can't dream of being with another person.

Be so in love with yourself that you won't settle or make excuses for the hurtful things people say and do. Listen to what your mate says and if it cuts like a knife don't make an excuse for it but actually hear them. They may be telling you already or showing you it's not meant to be.

Don't be scared to let go and always let God do what is needed. It kills us to believe that letting go of the wheel, putting down our architectural pen for our blue print is the right choice. But I have learned when you let God, he will always steer you the right way. He will always make sure you are protected and loved correctly inside and out.

Messages to Myself: Oh, I have learned.

Good Morning,

So I wake up to a voice telling me and encouraging me to let go. The voice sounded like my own but something in me told em it was heaven sent. Told me I don't deserve to be in a relationship like this. I don't need him and if it's God's will for us to be together then he will say something or do something to prove it.

But why am I holding on to someone who continuously  puts me on an emotional roller coaster and strings my heart along? Why do I love so passionately but stay with someone who tells me that my love and everything I do is substandard? Why am I with a black man that calls me "Queen" but treats me like a peasant?

I am heaven sent, blessed, and a joy but I have never felt so low before in my whole life. Especially emotionally because of a person I thought loved me. I am stronger and better than this, so why do I stay? Because of hope? Because my heart doesn't want to let go? Because I would feel like I have lost and let the other woman win?

There is no winner in this to a gain a man that can't remain faithful and manipulates situations to make himself the good guy to two different women...There is no winner. To have a man that can sleep in one's bed nightly but daily tell the other he loves her...There is no winner.

I am weak by myself BUT so very strong in Christ, I know I don't need to feel this way any longer. I am blessed. I am strong and I am valuable. No weapon formed against me shall prosper. No evil shall defeat me. No man shall corrupt or demean me. No woman will take my true heaven sent love and no true love will give it away. And I have learned that love is invaluable, cant but it or sell it. I have learned that love doesn't make you weak but builds you up.

Oh, I have learned!