Getting Back on my High Horse

Rebuilding Confidence After a Break-Up

There are so many things that occur during relationships and breakups that can be devastating. Sometimes they are so bad you get completely knocked off your "high horse".

I am going to tell you one very simple thing, It's Okay. It is actually normal to get knocked at certain times in life but what is not acceptable is to stay down! You are not allowed to wallow in self-pity for an extremely long period of time. At most I would say that it is only okay to be in that stage for month or two. Anything more than that is asking for a level of depression, in which you will need to seek medical help, such as counseling.

Reflect & Accept

Think about the relationship that you just got out of and figure out what went wrong. As you reflect on the relationship, try to avoid playing the blame game but instead think of what each of you did to play your part in the relationship not working out. The main part I want you to focus on is whatever part you feel you may have played in the breakup. Once you have figured out your part in the break, try to work on them so that they do not bring you down anymore. You need to work past those factors that led to demise of the relationship and once you do accept that it can get better. You need to know that once you are able to work past those personal issues you will be able to grow into something way more. You will be able to enter into the next relationship not at 100% but instead at a 1000% ready to give your all and still have some in reserve just in case.

Personal Example:

I did not trust my gut or give the relationship a fair chance. I did not fight fair during arguments, when I said I "forgive him and wanted to make it work" I did not let the past be the past but instead held it over his head. I expected him to do things but would not return the favor and I let myself get extremely spoiled.

Rebuild

Did you lose your social life, confidence, joy, passion, hobbies, or even your own personal identity?

Create a new level of trust in yourself and move forward. Do not let anything or anyone ever hold you back because there are way to many times that you do better. You will need to determine what things during your relationship you have lost in your relationship. Whatever you may have lost you will need to rebuild and enjoy the process. This is the time that you will be able to make your self better and grow. You can create a new identity separate from your relationship. Not saying that you should become a whole new person but you should be able to live a life that is better than what you had.

Get Out

The biggest part of rebuilding my confidence and life was getting my Social Life back. I am a very social person and with my relationship we did not share the same view on how to be social. So the biggest thing for me was getting back out and meeting new people. I also just need to be able to be around my friends and family in order to see how much those around me care about me. It helped to be out of the house. Away from the memories of the relationship and to be creating new ones. It truly is a great feeling.

Upgrade

When you are finally ready to move on and start dating again to not back track or settle! Do Not Settle! Anything in your previous relationship that you did not like, then you need to make sure you don't let those things into your next relationship. Any glimpse of the traits that you do not like come into your future relationships, you will need to really evaluate if its the same as what you have previously experienced.

Let the Past be the Past
Each relationship in all areas of life are lessons, to learn and grow from. Do not let your past come into the future at all. If someone does something that your ex used to do, do not assume that they are the same BUT do not ignore those gut feelings that make you wonder. Pay attention to people's actions more so than their words.