Closure: After the Break-Up

Everything comes to some kind of end...or at least that is the hope.

To speak from personal experience  will be the best thing for me to do. My closure moment wasn't spectacular  with fireworks, a long talk or anything of the sort. Instead, it was short and sweet, unlike the heartache.

A quick idea of my heartache, I was engaged and thought it would be forever. He doesn't know but I had picked my wedding dress, my bridesmaids, their dresses, the venue, and color scheme. Sadly, we were in different parts of the same book. He was on the previous chapter, while I was in a new one. It ended horribly to say the least and I was shattered.

Questions.

All the questions I beat myself down with are overwhelming .

How could you love me and do that?

Am I not good enough? What could I do better? 

Am I not pretty enough? Is it the way I dress, my hair? 

Maybe if I shaved more?

The questions started to get silly but you get the point . Once that stage ended, I hated him with a passion that even scared me because I hated him more every time I realized I couldn't stop loving him or wishing it had worked.

Forgiveness. 

The closure came almost six months later, well me forgiving him came six months later. It wasn't easy and I honestly woke up realizing he wasn't a horrible person but just wasn't the right person for me. He wasn't the man I needed.

Lessons from the Pain.

He did show me somethings that I would have never known about myself and did let me know I could be stronger than I gave myself credit for. I was a fighter, even when it was time to throw in the towel, I did not know how. He taught me to enjoy the small things and listen to all the details of what a person says because they are telling you how they feel daily if you pay attention. He taught me that actions speak louder than words and patterns scream at the highest volume possible. He showed me what love could look like when it was only partially there and now I know when I find it in its highest form, it will be magical.

The biggest lesson that I learned, is that I need to always trust my instincts. They had never steered me wrong before I was with him but for whatever reason I made every excuse to be with him. In order to keep the love alive, the vision of what was to come and the hope it would get better I ignored the screaming voice that would tell me to leave. I ignored the red flags that grew into billboards and exploded like fireworks after every fight. I ignored the hurtful and disrespectful words said during arguments, and I made excuses for everything that was blatantly wrong with our relationship.

Closure after the heartache.

The closure came two months after the forgiveness. To put it quite simply it was me wishing him well, even though it was not with me but with the other woman or whichever woman he decided to spend his life with. It hurts but feels so good to let go of someone when in truth they were never really yours. Crazy to think that my finance was never truly mine... But it is life. You learn from it and move forward.  

Ultimately....

I do have to say that closure, to not so pleasant life situations, needs to come from within and at the right time. Closure doesn't always come the way  we want it but instead will come the way it is needed. It could be in the form of forgiving the person who wronged you or by just one day waking up without having a heavy heart. 

Whatever the case be prepared to really let that chapter of your life end and a fresh one begin.

Life Guru