Some problems I have....
There are various aspects of my life at the moment that are unclear to me and I would like to have perfect. But there is this little thing called "reality" that ruined that whole idea =)
There is the fact that people may perceive me in away that is not accurate. For one I am actually smarter than I care to show and at times I am shy or soft spoken. I don't like crowds and big scenes but I make the best of most situations because that is where I am. I have to be able to work with the world around me because I am apart of it and it does not revolve around me. I know that I am not the center of the universe, despite what some people may believe I think and as a side not, neither is anyone in the world the center of it, not one person or group of people so stop acting like you deserve the most respect when you barely show any that is truly sincere enough to be deemed respect.
And that's another problem I have, all the people who put themselves on pedestals for reason that must be past my mental capacity as an individual in the world or even on this campus. You may be older, possibly wiser or part of things that I am not but I will be damned before I bow down to kiss your feet or treat you like royalty. Don't act like you are better than me or anyone else for that matter because in reality that makes you less of a person. I feel that we should all work together to build each other up but instead it seems that people enjoy watching each other fall face first. I know that I am flawed but I accept that and work everyday to make myself better inside-out. Right now I am working on treating everyone the same and when I say everyone I mean EVERYONE! I will not treat you better because you are part of a certain culture, race, gender, organization, or even because you may be part of Greek lettered organization. I say this because people seem to treat them different and from the day I arrived on this campus I have been almost trained to do the same. They are people just like anyone who is not part of that organization. They have ups and down, laugh and cry and bleed red just like the rest of us. I will not allow for anyone to say to me that they can do certain things that I find to be rude because they are part of an organization, race, gender or anything. I am tired of being told to show them the greatest amount of respect possible and them show me none. I am not directing this to the Greeks on campus so don't go run off saying that I am. This is directed to all the people on campus who have shoved rules down my throat and made people who were/ are "apart of the Greek life" seem to be better or even different than the rest of the people who aren't. I do understand that there are certain things that should not be said or done out of respect but don't make it seem like if they are done then I could die tomorrow because every Greek would kick my ass! LOL SORRY.
Another major problem I have is the male population! Which I have always joked about even before I came to this school but it is to the point I am slightly disgusted. I don't want to say it is only the "Black Men" but they are the ones that I interact with most on campus so it's directed more so to them. Sorry to any of those men that I may offend. I am honestly tired of you,meaning men, treating women or young ladies or whatever word you use for the female population as being less than the wonderful creatures that we are. I do know that we don't always act the way we should and due to that it may cause some of the reactions that women get. I still do feel that as Gentlemen, and the men that will one day be the role models for the future generations of Men coming into the world, you need to step your game up. Stop being in "relationships" but trying to have sex with other females, stop dancing with us at the club like you are just trying to have sex from behind, stop calling us by other names (such as Bitch Hoe Whore Slut Tramp or anything else that is demeaning). I would love for one day to find a guy who could approach me and see me for more than just a sex object or a dumb little freshman that may one day fall for the upper class men charm and end up in their bed....SIKE! I am not as young minded as I may appear or even lead you on to believe. The truth is I find it funny to see you act like you brain is actually controlled by your sexual organs and not the other way around... It has become disgraceful and sad, not only for me as a female, but to know that people relate all of those traits to "Black Men".All I want is respect and to find a man out there who is mature enough to take a woman as a whole and not just the part he likes. But with the way people act I feel that It may be asking for a lot since its so hard to find.
Another problem I have is finding good friends. They seem to come in small amounts and only once in a BLUE MOON! I mean every time I think I found one, my bubble is burst lol! I mean it's not funny but it is true. I am tired of fighting for friendships when in the past it has caused nothing but heartache and soaked pillows at night! I want a friend that will for once fight for my friendship when they see for some reason I am giving up on them and they can't seem to figure out why. That may be a lot to ask for but those same people without saying a single word ask me to do the same thing all the time. I feel that all relationship need two people who are willing to do those things and that is why I say,"without them saying a word" they are asking me to fight but are not willing to put in the same work. I have amazing friends who I could name all right now and I will! NINA KESHA ESTHER ALTINA MELISA SHANTICE TAKIA SHEVUAN REFA CHRYSTAL!These girls are diamonds in the rock and are truly amazing in different ways! They are my blessing and curse! I say curse because I will do almost anything for them like they would do for me! I would fight with them , beside them and for them without being asked. Now some people's name do not appear on the list and only a few months ago I would have had their name their too but the truth of the matter is, a FRIEND has to show that they are a friend all the time. They have to make sure that they show it even when times are hard, they are uncertain of what to do, basically no matter what. I feel that even though I may be going through things in my own life I make damn sure that my friends feel the "friendship love" no matter what. I do this by simply turning to them and asking for a shoulder to cry on or just letting them know beforehand that I am going through something and may become distant. I don't call them once in a while to make it seem like things are cool and only facebook message them; whereas in the past I would talk to them everyday, write on their wall and actually spend time with them. But every year I grow more cold to those who make me work to damn hard on my end and don't seem to put in work in any relationship not just friendship. I am not going to stress anyone and yap their ear off about how I feel,and have things seems to get better as if we took four steps forward and then when that thing called "reality" steps in, I see I really took ten steps back! "I refuse to go down a road when I am not welcome, to get to a house that I was not invited to..."(A little Whitney quote there for you =)Also one last thing about friendship, don't try to be close to me when it seems that others have turned their back on you. Everyone knows that I am a sucker for my friends and will do almost anything but I will not be walked on or used by anyone and you should all know that. I will not allow anyone to make me feel like a back up friend or like I am not good enough to be in the front line until the people who they put way ahead of me drop them like bad habits. I am a better friend than I am given credit but won't sacrifice my feeling in that way to prove it. There are people who will be added to the list of friends that I roll for but until I feel that time is right, the list will remain to be only those people.
I have issues with my home life but that is not for the internet to see and more so for me to deal with on my own. Everything else though is up for grads, whether you want to give advice or say I am wrong and correct me then please do so
Whitney "Truthful" Johnson
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